So here we are ... finally on the same page?

So here we are ... finally on the same page?

ahhcrazylady asked: SJ i hope your Okay, we don't really talk :( but you can talk to me if you like <3<3<3

I’m ok … I just have my moments sometimes. I’ll be sure to hit you up sometime soon though love =)

Sometimes I really do hate my life.

I had a really good day yesterday. Was at the white hart with everyone, went with a couple of my friends to get them piercings (Aaron’s septum and Mel’s monroe) and I got a couple myself. Then it came to work. All girl’s team on and I was the only one that knew how to close down a glasswasher =/ Then he came in … I felt like I was about to fall to pieces when I saw him … I haven’t spoken to him since the morning after I last saw him and it would appear that he’s back with the mother of his child … I still fucking love him and he pretty much totally ignored me all night =/

He won’t reply to my texts and every time I think I’m getting better at not thinking about it, I see him and everything comes rushing back - everything we had, everything I’ve lost and I can never have it back. I miss him so fucking much it’s unreal. Then Aaron came in while he was in there … made it awkward to say the least since they are both my exes and neither of them get on with each other.

I met Aaron after work because he saw that I was struggling at work last night and I called things off with him (we were fucking). Now it feels like he’s going to get distant with me again because of the circumstances.

Not to mention I’ve now been told that apparently I can’t move in to my new house on Thursday and Friday like I’d planned to since I can’t get hold of the letting agent to get my fucking key and they are apparently still trying to do the place up. But I can’t really move any other time because I don’t have the time off work so I’m panicking.

My job has just become a means to an end. The pub I really want to work in, I can’t because they don’t have the hours to offer me, though they’d love to have me working there. My rebate hasn’t come through yet though I really fucking need it at the moment.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to just end it all, because I don’t know how much more shit I can take.

FINALLY!

Finally have a date for when I’m moving into my new place and I cannot WAIT!

I’m so excited it’s unreal. I have a mattress to sleep on for the moment, and I have a bookcase and chest of drawers … but I’m not sure where the rest of the crap I need is going to come from lol

Need to plan this out a bit more I feel … >.<

And I need somewhere to get cardboard boxes from … otherwise I have nothing pack my shit up in … could be a slight issue since I have a week to sort all this out … hmmmm …

I fucking hate today.

Missed my tattoo appointment because I lost my phone last night!

Now my tattooist is pissed at me (and for good reason) though I had no way of letting him know where I was …

I have work tonight and no way of setting alarms for tomorrow on my phone, no way of telling the fucking time … not way of CONTACTING ANYONE.

Erghh, I hate this.

You know what?

Sometimes life is fucking hard and you’ve just got to battle through whatever it seems to throw at you. The other day I had a big heart to heart with my dad … he’s getting kicked out of his house within the next few weeks and he doesn’t know where he’s going to go because both of the options he has are going to drive what remaining sanity he has into the ground.

I’ve sorted myself somewhere to live, I’ve got myself a new flat … but my dad’s options are either to move in with his alcoholic girlfriend and we already know from experience that them living together makes things 10 times worse, not better; or to move back in with his mum who still treats him like he’s 16 years old …

We were reminiscing about old times … how me, my dad and my sister used to do things together, and how me and him could talk about anything … and just chat for hours on end.

Now, my sister will only come over and see him if my nan has come down to visit, she doesn’t talk to him and he feels like he’s failed her. Me and my dad don’t talk much anymore because I’ve totally shut myself off from pretty much everyone and he thinks that I’m going to end up with no friends, just working to get through each day …. exactly like he is …

Seeing your dad having depressing thoughts like that … it puts everything into perspective. Your dad is supposed to be the strong person that gets you through everything. He’s supposed to be there for you and here I was listening to him contemplating suicide?

There are some things you shouldn’t share with your kids.

I feel like I’ve lost my dad. He’s not the same person he used to be - the world and, more importantly, his girlfriend have broken him. If he moves back in with my nan I’ll never get to see him, and she’ll drive him insane. If he moves back in with his girlfriend then I might see him a bit more but he’ll likely go insane even quicker.

It’s a lose lose situation, and the last person I want to lose is my dad … Things always seem to be getting better until the realisation of something like this smacks you in the teeth and puts you right back to square one.